The Swagger ®

Courtesy of a conversation I had with Kareeem and his buddies Friday. It was just an funny idea, but you know me, I had to expand it into a blog post.

"Niggas would buy the swagger phone in epic numbers..."

Introducing The Swagger ® by Motorola

Do you want to get that swagger back? Are you tired of the same old boring cell phone. Well, Motorola is proud to present the phone just for you... The Swagger ®.

Preloaded with 1000's of the latest hood anthem ringtones, The Swagger ® is the hottest thing on the streets.* From its custom made blinged out carry case, to its Bathing Apes sponsored numbered buttons, The Swagger ® has just what you need to impress that trifling nigga or gold digging female. Dazzle your crew by being the first to download the Pimp Chalice screen saver. Be the king of your block by using our patented T-9 Ebonics text messaging technology.* This function turns your average ordinary text message into a swagtastic conversation. Check out this example read by our paid spokesman, Samuel L Jackson.

Ordinary Text: What time is the party?
Ebonic T-9 Text: Hey, muhfucka. When dem shawties comin' thru

Ladies: Don't think we forgot about you. You need to get your swagger back too. Our special pink phone is ready to go with all your favorite anthems. Act now and you can get the Mary J Blige female empowerment Swagger® phone, which comes with a complimentary weave-holding pouch and a dynamic shoe sale guide right there on your display screen. Plus on your phone, the numbers are actually sponsored by Louis Vuitton. Guaranteed to show your swagger.

The most impressive feature of The Swagger ® is the dial a date function. Whenever you need an ego boost, dial #69 and the Swagger ® will hook you up with an eager and willing mate.*** This feature is also available via IM for you computer lovers out there. The Swagger ® phone will break you out of that dry spell you're going through and help you feel like the Man (or the Woman) again.

So, ditch that old boring cell phone and get your Swagger ® back. For a limited time only, get a set of detachable rims for your Swagger. ® ****

The Swagger ® available at bodegas, cornerstores and barbershops everywhere... just what you need to get yo' swagger back.

The Swagger ® is a registered trademark of Rashan Jamal. 2007. All rights reserved.

* Hottest in the streets claim made from scientific survey of 4000 drug dealers, playas, and hustlers. Results in Oct 2007 issue of Vibe Magazine.

** Standard text messaging rates apply. Not responsible for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or translation errors.

*** Dial a date feature an extra $99.99/month. Available only in the 48 contiguous states. Offer not valid in Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico and where prostitution is illegal.

**** For a limited time only, while supplies last. Mobile phone rims are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used on automobiles.