If You See Me On MySpace...

Them photos were digitally manipulated. It wasn't me. I wouldn't do nothing like that. I'm saying, the last thing I would ever be is hugged up on some girl I don't know. In the club no less. With people looking on...Matter of fact, I wasn't even there. I stayed home. I know I was saying I was gonna go to Luck.ie Loun.ge on Friday, but I didn't make it. That's right, my cat was sick and I had to take him to the vet. So, them pictures... they ain't me.

I mean, for real. Do I look like the type that would be hanging out with Kristie, Deandrea, Danielle, Kareina, her racially ambiguous friend (I have since found out she's white) and some girl that told me to call her K.Y.? I mean, if someone told me to call them that, I'm pretty sure they would get The Smirk. Especially if that was really me, sipping on Tanq and Tonics all night. But it wasn't me. No way I was in the club buying $10 shots of Patron for the ladies. And $12 Peach margaritas? Nah, I wouldn't do that. I'm way too cheap to do something like that.

You know how you know it wasn't really me? This doppelganger was on the dance floor. We all know I can't dance. That dude was out there dancing without any prodding. Does that sound like me? Dancing to reggae? We all know how I feel about music that I don't understand the lyrics to. I.just.don't.do.it. I mean, I can dig Mu.rder, Sh.e Wr.ote or Gh.etto Stor.y, but when you get to them obscure dancehall joints, I have to decline. Can you picture Rashan dancing on the floor with 4 women dropping it around him? Can you see me hanging out while some stranger rubbed her booty up on me and I'm not in a strip club? Nah, it wasn't me..

But back to them pictures. I'm trying to get them emailed to me so I can see why people think its me. I could see me taking pictures of myself, you know I like to do that. But with some girl named K.Y. that I just met that night? Who told me to make sure I got "all of this" in the picture, followed by a Vanna White wave down her short body? Someone who told me to put my hands "lower" when I rested my hands respectfully on her back? Who told the camera person to take another picture, because you couldn't see my hands on her booty? Who put a leg up on the bar stool to make the picture more provocative? That doesn't sound like someone I would be associating with, does it? Just because she looks like she could be one of my girlfriends, doesn't mean anything. If you see them pictures on MySpace, just remember that wasn't me. Now, I know how Kels feels.