None and Void

That's where my brain is right now. I heard a co worker say that today. I wanted to correct it, but then I remembered that people dont like to be wrong, so I let it go. Anyway, I sat at my computer early this morning and had nothing come out of my fingertips. So, I wrote nothing. I don't know why I feel guilty about it, I mean 30 posts in 31 days is nothing to sneeze at. I know I ain't exactly Jameil with her prolific self, but that's still good, aint it?

Since I have exactly nothing really to talk about, I guess I can just update you on some stuff. I talked to blind date girl for like 5 minutes this afternoon. We didn't really shore anything up, but we are gonna try to get together on Saturday. I'm still scared. Her voice was kinda...rough. Sure it could just be that she was tired after work, but she sounded like she been beat down. I know I'm gonna look back at this and see how wrong I was, but thats where my brain is now, so I'll put it out there.

The stalker situation is getting out of control. Long rambling emails, late night text messages, early morning phone calls. Asking me all kinda personal stuff on the work IM. I'm trying my best to be nice about it and just ignore her, but my inner asshole is dying to take over. I need to change my number, but I've had it for 7 years. I don't wanna learn another one. Do you know that I don't know anybody's phone number? If I ever lost my phone, I would just be lost. I don't even know my sister's phone number.

Anyway, since I am at work, I should probably do some. I have a 3 day weekend, (I had to take off for the Sup.er Bo.wl) coming up, so I just have to make it through these last 5 hours. Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll have something better to talk about tomorrow.

Moratorium

Can we please have a moratorium on the Superman dance? I mean, if you have reached the age of 30, or if you are of an different ethnic background, please stop doing this dance. We are laughing at you, not with you.

Can we please have a moratorium on crazy emails? Don't stalk me via email to tell me that you are not stalking me. In fact, you are stalking me. Don't make me print copies of this email and distribute them so people will know how crazy you actually are.

Can we please have a moratorium on the little shirts? I like looking at skin as much as the next man, but if we are at work, you might want to present yourself in a more professional manner.

Can we please have a moratorium on the Bri.tney news? Her kids are gonna grow up and see this one day. Besides I'm just sick of hearing about it.

Can we please have a moratorium on the loud African music first thing in the morning. I don't need to be reminded of Roots when I am just waking up.


Thanks for your cooperation...

Blind Date

This one is not a trick. There will be no surprise endings. I know I'm the man that cried wolf, but for real, no jokes this time...

I hesitated writing about this for a couple of reasons. Number one, who is actually gonna believe me after I've pulled so many tricks on you. Number two, I didn't want to put anything out there about this before I know whether or not it happens. But you know me, I can't hold anything back for too long. I've been set up on a blind date. This is the first time in my 33 years that I've done this and I'm feeling kinda apprehensive about it.

I'm supposed to go out with a friend of a friend sometime this weekend and I don't know how I feel about it. See, what had happened was (said in my best Fresh Prince imitation) I made a bet with someone. The terms were this: If I lose, she gets to set me up with her friend that she thinks is perfect for me. If I won, then she would never mention it again. Well, I lost and now I have a blind date this weekend. Here's what I know: She turns 30 later this year. Has a 4 year old son. Not married. Oh yeah, she's another doggone Aries... Someone kill me now! Here's what I don't know about her: EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

I've seen a picture, but it was one of those far away pictures where you can't really tell what the person really looks like and may possibly have been taken when she was still in high school. Am I wrong for worrying that my blind date may have an extra ear or tattoo of Tu.pac or something ludicrous that could only happen with me? I know it's not all about looks, and from what I could tell, she looked aiight, but I'm trepidatious about it. She could look like a reject from Flavor of Love or something. How I look hanging out with Sa.ap.hyri? I wish I could see a recent picture.

I also have never talked to her. I don't know how her brain works. The girl that's setting this up says she has a "quirky" sense of humor like me. But I don't know if I trust her. I don't know if you noticed, but I am an acquired taste. I'm kinda like that first shot of Patron. When you take me in, (OBSCURE REFERENCE ALERT!!!) you make that ugly face like Aa.ron Ha.ll crying in the I Miss You video, (fast forward to like 3:58) like "damn, what was that?" After a while though, I intoxicate you and you want another shot. I know I'll be on my best behavior on the date, and keep my sarcasm to a minimum, but what if she doesn't get me? Am I setting myself up for disaster?

Since I don't know her, I am at loss of what to do with her. I don't know what she likes or doesn't like. I suppose I could just do what I like, but that consists of sitting at home in my drawers reading blogs. Don't think that's appropriate date material. Since you guys love giving me advice, that I seldom if ever take, why don't you tell me what I should do? Where would be a good first date spot? I'm not just talking to the Atlanta people. I'm not looking for specific spots (although I'll take em if you got em) but just some ideas of what to do with someone you've never met, held a conversation with, or mentally undressed with your eyes. LOL.

Before you guys start thinking I'm extra crazy, I did try to get more details. But my friend is being less than forthcoming. She thinks that I would try to find something wrong with her as an excuse to get out of the blind date. Would I do that? Of course I would, but still holding back is about to accomplish the same thing. But I cant. I lost the bet, so I have to fulfill my part of the bargain. Wish me luck, or at the very least, wish me some entertaining blog posts.

Oh yeah, you won't believe what the bet was. (OBSCURE REFERENCE ALERT!!!) She said that she could do that K.id N Pla.y dance (fast forward to 2:40) where they grab a leg and jump over it. I just knew she was gonna bust her ass, but she stuck the landing like Do.mi.nique Da.wes (mmm... Do.minique Da.wes.. said in my best Ho.mer Sim.pson-drooling-over-donuts imitation. The only reason I ever watched gymnastics. LOL). Hence my blind date... I wonder what she had to do to get her to go out with me.

The Matchmaker

I was chillin' at my table sipping a caipirinha at Eclipse di Luna when I first noticed her. Kristie sat to my right in a corner table overlooking the restaurant. We were cracking jokes and making conversation when I first felt her eyes on me. I managed to shake off the liquor long enough to get a good glimpse. She was pretty cute. She stood about 5'4", give or take an inch. I couldn't get an exact measurement because of the heels she was wearing. I held my glass up to my lips and downed the rest of my drink.

The sugar in the bottom of the glass combined with the excessive lime wedges to create a sweet, yet sour concoction. I waited for the waiter to bring me my 3rd drink, while continuing to shoot the breeze with Kristie. Ever my pimp, Kristie pointed out that the woman was looking at me.

"Why is she staring so hard?" she asked
"Who?" I coyly responded.
"The girl in the white and khaki."
"Like you wouldn't stare at me."

That was just a little joke. My friends are under the mistaken impression that I'm some kind of player. Truth be told, I have no game and the only women that make themselves available to me these days are, putting it kindly, unstable. I've never been a player, just extremely conceited, outwardly at least.

"You should go talk to her."
"Nah, I'm good."

The true me was shining through. The one that doesn't talk to strangers, the one that has blown many opportunities because of his fear of rejection, the one that has lame like tendencies. Besides I only had 2 drinks. I wasn't ready to put myself out there.

She was sitting with a group of multi cultural friends. Every hue was represented. There was a white one, a latina, an Asian (I think Korean) woman. And when you added in her caramel complexion, it formed a Rainbow coalition Jesse would be proud of. Her hair was a spiral cascade of curls, one falling after another. It looked very nice, although you can tell she just got out of the salon chair. She wore no makeup other than some shiny stuff on her lips, and her eyebrows were arched ever so slightly. Enough to notice, but not enough that it looked unnatural. Her smile was crooked, lips forming more of a smirk than an actual smile. She seemed to be having a good time with her girls, but she kept looking in my direction, hopefully at me. Not to be presumptious, but I thought to myself: Time to put your game face on.

After about 10 minutes, she got up and approached the table where Kristie and I were dining on tapas. She sat down in an empty chair and spoke.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but is your name Rashan?"

She pronounced it correctly, with emphasis on the RA. That's something that most people don't do. Regardless, I wasn't sure how to respond. I chose the truth.

"Yes, it is. How did you know?"
"I know your sister. She used to teach for Decatur city schools, right?"

I noticed she had a slight New York accent. It was not replete with loud, beligerrance of some NYers, but with a definite twinge of attitude.

"Yeah, she did. What's your name?
"Hey, I'm Kim."
"Nice to meet you Kim. This is my friend Kristie"

Pleasantries were exchanged and then she got to the point.

"I just want to tell you that I really enjoy your blog. You should have a career as a writer."
"Wow. Nikki told you about the blog? She didn't mention anything to me."
"I kinda shoulder surfed her one day. And you were just so damn interesting."
"Uh..thanks"

I told you that I don't take compliments very well, but I managed to express my gratitude.

"So how long have you and Kristie been dating?" she asked.
"Ewww... he's like my brother." Kristie replied.
"I was wondering, because you didn't mention it on your blog. I was wondering if that was PHD."

I turned to Kristie who had a quizzical look on her face.

"She's talking about Monica. That was my blog nickname for her."
"Oh, I see. Nah, he's single. What about you?"

I shot Kristie a look like WTF are you doing? She just shrugged and went back to sipping her Sangria.

"You wanna join us for a drink?"
"I really should be getting back to my friends. I just wanted to come say hi."
"Well, okay. You take care."

Kristie continued her role as matchmaker.

"You guys should go out sometime."
"Don't mind her. She's a lightweight with the liquor now a days."
"Well, why don't you call me anyway? Here's my number."

She wrote it on a red book of matches and passed it to me.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon. Have fun with your friends."
"You too."

I wanted to curse Kristie out for putting me in that situation, but I couldn't. It had worked. I didn't leave the house with the intentions of meeting someone, but I sure wasn't gonna turn the opportunity away. I sat back in my chair, a quiet confidence resting upon my visage, even though Kristie had done all the work for me.

And then I woke up. I grabbed my phone and saw no entry for Kim in it. My mind was playing tricks on me again. It felt so real, but in fact it was just another one of my vivid dreams. Sonofabitch!

It Is What It Is!

If any of you are (un)lucky enough to hold a conversation with me, you'll notice a few things about me. #1. I'm stubborn. #2 I have a tendency to quote random rap lyrics and/or movie quotes to punctuate my point and #3 One of my favorite phrases is "it is what it is." That's my go to phrase when I'm tired of belaboring a point or if I don't care to expound any further. That's my way of shutting things down. People hate it, not so much because of the phrase itself, although that's enough to drive them batty. But mostly because they know that "it is what it is" signifies the end of my participation in the conversations. Sure, they will try to keep it going, but once I reach that juncture, they might as well be talking to themselves.

For such a simple combination of words, "it is what it is" works in so many different circumstances. You want to convince me to change my mind... it is what it is. You think I'm being unreasonable... it is what it is. I should express my feelings more... it is what it is. I know that it doesn't really mean anything, other than stating the obvious, but that's how I often feel. Once I get a thought stuck in my head, my stubbornness is legendary. It's damn near impossible to change my mind. Someone asked me tonight if there was anything she could do to change my mind. My answer was a resounding NO! Right or wrong, when my mind is made up, it's a wrap. I don't waver unless I convince myself that I was mistaken. Nothing you say is gonna make me vacillate. You think that's wrong? Oh well, it is what it is.

Why am I like that? Why do I always feel that my point of view is the right one? I'm not sure I have an answer for that query? It just is what it is. I know that's not the best way to win friends and influence people, but it works for me now. Maybe one day, I'll learn the fine art of compromise, but until then I'll just continue to piss people off by uttering that most annoying of phrases: it is what it is, yo! You either hate it or love it. I can't control what other people think any more than they can shape my ideas. Everyone is different. I've come to accept and embrace that each persons individuality makes the world go round. Maybe that leads to conflict at times, but you know what? It is what it is!

What Annoys Me About Blogging

Before you get all indignant in the comments, remember I said blogging... not bloggers. I understand that not everybody shares my ideas and I don't really need explanations about why you do these things. I respect our differences. Have I made it clear that I still like you even if you do some of these things? Disclosure over... let's get to it.

I'm annoyed... when I go to someone's blog and they have those music players that I can't turn off. I may not want to hear what you are listening to. I may already be listening to something, then it mixes together with your music and I have to search the damn page to find the player so I can turn it off, but then there is no pause button. Usually when that happens, I just leave the page and make a mental note to come back later, but then don't.

I'm annoyed... when people don't put pictures of themselves on the blog. I would like to put a face to a writing style. I further annoyed when people put pictures of celebrities as their profile pic. It's like, nigga you ain't Tyson or sweetheart... you ain't Sade. I get the privacy issue, and I'm not trying to downplay it, but if I had my way, I would at least be able to see what you guys look like. Yes, I know I'm a camera whore so I have too many pictures of myself. That probably annoys you guys. LOL.

I'm annoyed... when bloggers write about me but don't mention me by name. Especially when its been over a year since I spoke to them and you would think they would be over whatever it is I did to them by now. I know nobody knows what I'm talking about, but I did some browsing this weekend and saw a couple of references to me. I just wish they would say "I'm talking about T. Cas. That nigga is crazy and here's why" instead of using cryptic words, much like I'm doing right now. LOL I guess I should annoy myself right now.

I'm annoyed... when people read my ish, but don't comment. Lurkers, I'm talking to you! Say something to me, shawty. Stop making me guess who you are by looking at my site meter. C'mon, please?

I'm annoyed... when a post I think is great doesn't go over well with the readers and when the BS posts get all the comments. It's like I should just stop trying so hard, because more people actually like it when I'm shallow and short winded. Yeah, there's no chance of that changing. I don't talk a lot, but I sure write a lot.

I'm annoyed... when female bloggers set unrealistic requirements for dating them and then complain when they don't find that ideal mate. I wrote about this before. But for some reason, its acceptable for women to only want to a certain type of man, but if a man says he only dates a certain type of women, there would be a revolt. I'm not talking about anybody who comments on my blog. Just some of the other ones I read from time to time. I would just like to say.. "you are not that fine. He doesn't want you" but that would be mean, I guess. Imagine if, for example, I said I only dated light skinned women with long hair that weigh less than 130 pounds. You would think that I am shallow and I'm pretty sure I would get hate email. But female bloggers can say they only date 6'3" chocolate baldheaded men with 6 packs and all the commenters will co sign with them. It's just annoying.

I'm annoyed... by poetry. Not poets per se, but poetry. It's only because I don't get it. And when I do get it, its like okay that was good, but can I get something personal about you, instead of hearing you suck up to the Black Woman, or bash the Black Man. I know I'm in the minority on this one, and the brotha poets get the ladies all moist, but it's just annoying to see the poetical pandering that goes on in Blogland. Haven't we run out of ways to describe the sensuality of a woman yet? No? Oh, okay.

I'm annoyed... when its been 2 weeks since your last post. I know I did it too, but its still annoying. At the very least, give us an update so we know when to come back. I hate checking up on a blog and seeing the same post day after day after day.

I'm annoyed... by private blogs. What are you hiding from me? You know I'm nosy as hell. Share it with the world.

I'm annoyed...by Gratitude Wednesday, Thankful Thursday, whatever you call it. It's been done to death. I get it you are thankful for the same things every week. I'm not saying don't be grateful, but could you at least be grateful on your own time? I'm trying to read a blog here, not a prayer. I'll be thankful if you stop with these repetitive posts.

I'm annoyed...when I get tagged for something I already did. Its like if you read my blog enough to tag me, you should already see that I did this SAME DAMN TAG last week. I'm not saying you have to read everyday, but come on if you want to know about me, don't tag me, just read the damn blog.

Finally, I'm annoyed... that I don't know how to use the strike through feature. I see a bunch of people doing it, but I can never get it to work. Same thing with the bold in comments. Every time I try to do it, I get an error saying that the html was not accepted. Yes, I know I could do some research on how to do it, but I haven't. Perhaps I revel in being annoyed, rather than finding the answer.

So that's some of the things that annoy me about blogging. Remember, that does NOT mean I don't like you or your blogs. Don't go getting all sensitive on me. Besides I'm sure I do plenty of stuff to annoy you too. It's only natural. Now it's your turn. What annoys you about this blogging thing? Let a brotha know. If I do it, I probably wont change, but I'm still interested. Blog Bully Jameil, I just know you have something to add. LOL

Musical Notes

Just a few notes about music. I'll try not to be too much of a hater, even though it's in me.

Do people not realize that J.ay-Z is talking from the perspective of dope in his song I Kno.w? They play it on the radio like he's actually talking as a man to a woman. He's actually talking as heroin to a dope fiend. Even though I don't really like the Ame.rican G.angster album, his lyrics are on point.

Never was much of a Ciar.a fan, but in that new video she's looking kinda nice. She's like a mixture between a fitness model and pole dancer. Me likey!

That Chr.is Br.own song "Wi.th Y.ou" sounds to me like a retread of Beyon.ce's "Irr.ep.laceable." I wonder if N.e-Y.o wrote that one too. At the least, it must have been produced by the same people (whoever they are.)

My embarrassing stupid song that I like of the moment Ro.ck.o Da D.on: "Um.ma Do M.e" My favorite line: "You like dancin' I just two step/You like to trick off but I don't do that." Something about the phrase "trick off" just cracks me up. I can't believe this dude is with Mo.nica. Is there no justice in the world?

Is that R.Kelly rem.ix to "Fla.shing Lig.hts" a real remix or did he just Deebo the track? It sounds like he just made his own shit up and delivered it to radio.

S.is.Q0 is doing a country music show? Wow... I wonder if he still got that platinum blonde hair cut. Anyone remember when he had that dance show on MTV? Sis.qo's Shak.edown, I think it was called. Remember I was telling you about my homeboy Tony last week. Back in the day, he got that blonde S.isQo-esque hairstyle. We clowned him incessantly about that.

My niece got Alici.a Ke.y's album this week. Why did she play "No O.ne" 50-leven times in a row. I was like can you go to the next song...please? I beg of you...no more "N.o One." I guess it's better than that Han.nah Mo.ntana she was listening to a couple of months ago. Okay, full disclosure time... I actually like that show and even sometimes watch it when the kids aren't around. LOL, I know that sounds strange, but hey, I'm just being honest.

It pains me to write this sentence but I'm gonna do it anyway. W.uT.ang's album is fuckin' horrible. I was the biggest W.u fan back in the day. I will still zone out to their first 3 albums, not to mention a lot of the solo albums. I know they've been out of the spotlight for a minute, but I was expecting something a whole lot better from them. On the contrary, Gh.ostface (from the Wu) delivered another hip hop classic album in my opinion. I need him to share his beats with the rest of the clan.

Someone do me a favor, please? Tell Lil Wa.yne that he doesn't have to be on every song, mixtape, video etc. There is a such thing as over exposure. Even though, he did deliver one of my favorite lines this year ("I'm so fucking good like I'm sleeping with Meagan" I tried several times to write a post using that title, but I couldn't ever come up with anything. LOL), he really is not that good to be diluting himself on everybody else's songs. Just tell him to slow it down, and while you're at it, tell him to stop getting arrested for drugs. Thanks!

I rode by the Lu.pe Fi.asco concert tonight. I didn't buy a ticket, cuz I just don't know about him. He's cool, but I don't think I would want to see him perform live. W.yclef was in Atlanta last night too. I know I don't wanna see him. He's one of those cats in the game I respect, but whose music I don't like.

I could be wrong, but isn't falsetto a male thing? I was listening to TheDr.eam's song of the same name, and he was talking about making a girl talk in a "False.tto." Wouldn't that just be her natural higher pitched voice? I don't know, and I probably should look it up before I post this, but I got enough damn links in this post.

Ame.rie! Don't have anything to say about her, just wanted an excuse to post a picture of her. Good Lawd!!! She is running a close second to Ga.brielle Un.ion in the celebrity crush field.

You ever have a crush on someone that was based on something totally other than looks? Fait.h Eva.ns used to be my music crush. Her voice is just amazing and I hope she releases something new soon. I heard a new??? song the other day that just reminded me that I was missing her.

I know I said I would try not to sound like a hater, but I have nothing but contempt for B.ow Wo.w and Om.arion. Their music makes me want to smash whatever outlet is playing it. It's on the radio - HULK SMASH! Video on BET - HULK SMASH!. On the internet - HULK SMASH! I know that a lot of artists will sample other artists, but when they used "Goin.g B.ack To C.ali" for their new song, I wanted to just find them and beat the shit outta them. Well, mostly Bo.w W.ow. I don't like O, but at least he's not a poseur and actually has a modicum of talent. Okay, rant over.

Even when I intend to write a short post, I find a way to make it long as hell. LOL! Anyway, these were Rashan's Musical Notes for the day. Happy Saturday!

Yep, I Was Right...Again

In case you think that I make any of this stuff up, this is an actual email I received just a few minutes ago. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I think its safe to say that I was not being arrogant when I wrote that post about the set up.


Hey Rashan,

I wanted to talk real for a second on something that i felt needed to be cleared up. I hope this doesn't make you think any less of a friend or less of a person of me but i figured since we talk straight up a lot of times that i could do so, and i think you know my character pretty well to know that i am a decent, morale person.

But anyway, I was looking for something from you, what i wanted from you was a basic human need that men and woman have, i don't know about you but i have not been 'active' in a while ( as you know between work and school,l i am always busy) and i thought we could hook up with one another without any strings attached or without being in a relationship or anything that made one person feel obligated to date the other person or anything like that. I am really not looking for that right now, i have a full plate but i do have needs :-), as I am sure that you do. But i wasnt looking to be with just 'anyone' i felt comfortable with you because i know you and I talk and you know me, so its not like i would be hooking up with a stranger, that's something i dont do!

From what happened last friday when we went out, by your reaction i could tell that you were physically attracted to me as i am you and to be able to be with someone you have to be attracted to them in some way. So, i thought that it would have been something that you would have been 'down with' call it whatever you like 'buddy'' like the Musiq calls it or whatever. But right now i wasnt looking for a relationship myself because i like my space and with my schedule its not something that would be a priority so that wouldnt be fair to the other person to mislead someone. And because there would be no strings attached i didnt see us having a problem working together or anything like that because there would be no commitment there, just a physical friendship. But I know that its probably hard for some people to distinguish the two and sometimes people get hurt because they catch feelings, so i understand that if that is the case. But for myself I think of you as a cool, confidential person (with some similarities between us) that it would have been something you would have been 'down with. Anyway thats it, thats all that it was nothing more, not at this point in my life anyway, and i just felt like it needed to be said.

So, if you think that would be something that you could handle or might be okay with let me know! I'm ready! Lol But, we are cool and since I've gotten that out the way I won't mention it again unless you do.
Thats my only issue or problem right now, I'm just horny as hell!! LMAO

Yes, I am probably wrong for posting this, but I can't keep anything away from my blog family. LOL. Plus I didn't have anything else to write about right now. Have a good weekend, everybody!

Message Recieved

I have a cheap Sprint phone with some wack ass alert tones. They all sound horrible, except for one. It's a female voice that says "Message Recieved." I set that one for my text messages, in lieu of some tone that would get on my nerves. The thing about it is that it always freaks people out for some reason when they hear it for the first time. It's like they think its some ghost or something. I cant tell you how many times I've seen people looking around trying to figure out what it is, before I tell them that it's my phone. Not sure why I chose to tell you that...Anyway, here are some of the messages I've received over the last week. Some are texts, some are IMs. Some are rewritten b/c I can't remember the exact words that were used, but the spirit of the messages are in tact.

Text Message from Not a Date girl that got Mutumbo'd:
Her: Hey, Rashan! Maybe I should cut my vacation short. What do you think?
Me: What do I think? I think it's way too early for you to be sending me texts. Try again in 4 hours.
Her: Well, apparently not cuz u answered!!
Me: I'm going back to sleep now. Don't reply. Thanks in advance!

Instant Message at Work:
Her: Why does that lady behind you have on all that purple
Me: I know! Did you peep the purple leather boots?
Her: Yeah, and the purple jacket, purple skirt, purple eye shadow.
Me: LOL -
Her: She looks like Grape Ape.
Me: Wow - a Grape Ape reference. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Her: Grape Ape! Grape Ape!
Me: LOL - She kinda got a Grimace vibe going on
Her: LOL

Mass Text Message from old co worker:
Her: Let's play a game. For one hour you can ask me anything and I have to answer honestly. Fwd this to all your friends
Me: My question? What makes you think I want to know anything about you? I think I know too much already. Wait, my real question: Given all you know about me, why would you include me in this mass text message? Yeah, answer that one.

Instant Message at Work
Her: I think Grape Ape likes you.
Me: Shaddup!
Her: No, really! She's always leaning over talking to you.
Me: Stop that... expeditiously!
Her: I think its cute. You can have some lil purple babies.
Me: You know there will be consequences for this.
Her: You can name your babyMagilla Gorilla
Me: LOL - I can't stand you!

Text Message from random co worker: (I really need to stop letting people have my phone number)
Her: 123 Evergreen Terrace Atlanta Ga 30032 (not the real address)
Me: umm... okay. Why are you giving me your address?
Her: I don't know. Maybe you might need it one day?
Me: K - thanks.
Her: That's all you have to say?
Me: Yep, that's pretty much it.
Her: You make me sick.

Instant Message at work:
Her: Why does Grape Ape keep looking at me whenever I come talk to you?
Me: Shut up!
Her: Please tell your woman I'm not trying to steal her man.
Me: Really... What I tell you about payback? Don't make me give that dude your phone number.
Her: Okay, I'm sorry! Don't do that!
Me: Yep, that's what I thought.

Text Message:
Her: I had a dream about your lips last night.
Me: Word? What about them?
Her: I can't talk about it. I don't want you to get the big head
Me: Too late! It ain't gonna get no bigger.
Her: Well, nope. I'll just call you. You'll probably put this on your blog.
Me: I don't blog anymore, just tell me.
Her: LOL - liar.

Instant Message at work:
Her: Why did this dude just call me a tease?
Me: I don't know? Why?
Her: I just be talking to him on the IM to pass the day. I already have a boyfriend.
Me: You don't act like it.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, you don't act like it with me. I don't know what you said to him.
Her: (thinking smiley)
Me: Nah, I just mean that you told me that you guys broke up.
Her: Yeah, we back together now.
Me: Congrats.
Her: Even if I didn't, I wouldn't go out with him. He's a little too circular for me.
Me: Leave us circular brothers alone. We need love too. LOL
Her: No, you not circular like he is. He's all stuffed in his clothes.
Me: Okay, if you say so.
Her. And he's not attractive.
Me: Gotcha..

Text Message from phone number I don't know:
Her/Him: I'm coming to Atlanta next week. We need to get up!
Me: Who is this again?
Her/Him: Don't act like that. You know who this is.
Me: Nah, not really. Who are you trying to reach?

Instant Message at Work:
Her: And he's a stalker. I park my car and he's nowhere around but when we leave, his car is mysteriously next to mine.
Me: Oh, you gotta work stalker! Welcome to the club!
Her: Yep, that's exactly what he is. Who is your work stalker?
Me: You. LOL I'm kidding. I pointed her out the other day.
Her: She don't seem like a stalker. I don't ever see her over here.
Me: Yeah, but let me be in the parking lot and she is sure to pop up. Or let me go to the cafeteria, and without fail, there she is.
Her: I forgot that you think you are irresistable. LOL
Me: LOL - I don't think that. SHE thinks that. LOL
Her: You so conceited.

Text Message:
Her: You find a date for the Jill concert yet? I'm counting on you being a loser. I'll take the other ticket.
Me: Shut it up! If I don't, you can come with me.
Her: Kewl!
Me: Did you really just spell it kewl? I changed my mind, you can't come with me.

Instant Message at work:
Her: We should all get together after work one day.
Me: Who is "all"
Her: You know, the whole team. We should go get drinks or something.
Me: You don't get off work until 2 Am. Where you gonna get drinks then?
Her: I don't know. We can do it on our off day?
Me: Yeah, you have fun I'm not coming out here if I don't have to work.
Her: Stop being stinky! You can come out with us.
Me: Yeah, I'm not much for spending my day off talking about work. I'm sure you guys will have fun though.

Text Message:
Her: You still coming with us Friday?
Me: ???
Her: You forgot? We supposed to (do something or another)
Me: I'll let you know, but I might have other plans.
Her: Yeah, right. You gonna sit home like you always do.
Me: Sounds like a plan to me. LOL

Instant Message at Work:
Me: You see the purple on display again?
Her: I see it. Is that the same outfit?
Me: Not sure. But it definitely is purple.
Her: Wait, did she just touch your hair?
Me: *sigh* yes. She actually said I have "good hair"
Her: I told you she want you. Big Momma gonna get you.
Me: That does it. Not only is the stalker getting your number, I'm gonna tell the T Pain look alike that you like him. LOL
Her: I think T. Pain would rather get with you, if you know what I mean.
Me: Uggh, I can't win with you.
Her: Nope

Text Message:
Her: Hey! Long time no hear from. Hope all is well, Mr. Weldon.
Me: All is good. How are you?
Her: Not too bad. I need a favor.
Me: (No response because I know the next question is to borrow some money.)
Her: Can I borrow $100 to pay my gas bill?
Me: (No response because I don't want to let her borrow money that I wont see again for months if ever)
Her: Never mind. I got it.
Me: Okay, cool.

Instant Message at work:
Me: Did you see old girl who was fixing my computer?
Her: Yeah, why?
Me: She was beautiful.
Her: Uh, I'm not your homeboy, you know.
Me: I know, I just had to tell somebody. And since you always tell me about your men, I thought I would share.
Her: She ain't as fine as me.
Me: Sure, whatever gets you through the night.
Her: Whatever Rashan. You know you want me.
Me: No, I want her. LOL

And that was a glimpse into the hilarity that ensues on a daily basis. It probably looks like I don't do no work, but I promise this is done while I am multi tasking and they are not all from the same day. Today is my Friday! So glad to have just one more day of work. I'll holla at y'all later!

I Wasn't Always This Way

You know I think too much. Sometimes my brain is overactive, and it makes me contemplate that which need not be contemplated. I've always been this way. I am prone to zone out and retreat into my thoughts without regard to what surrounds me. The best way to describe it would be a state of oblivion. I had another one of those moments tonight. I got so wrapped up in my own neurons firing that I drove straight past my exit and wound up 10 miles off course. That's not to say that I was a danger to my fellow drivers, but rather to acknowledge that my multi tasking took me off course. Today's topic of thought was my so called anti social behavior. I realized that I wasn't always this way.



I claim that I'm anti social, but I'm not sure if that's even accurate. I still go out from time to time. If I'm being honest with myself, I think its purely a matter of not wanting to be bothered. I'm never one to turn down an invitation when I think there will be fun involved. Its just those situations where I might have to do something I may not derive pleasure from that I avoid. Situations that might lead to someone not being able to handle their liquor, or where there is the potential for conflict are the ones I avoid. Situations where control freaks try to maneuver every aspect of the evening, rather than just going with flow are also on my list. I think I'm just selfish, but in a good way. I know what I like and I'm no longer going to put myself in environments that don't meet those requirements.



I wasn't always this way. Hell, before I moved to Atlanta I was the king of socializing. If I wasn't out at the club, then people were over my crib. And not just the usual suspects like Kareem, although he did basically bogard his way into every apartment I ever had. I didn't mind. I liked my alone time, but he was pretty much just like me. We could chill in the same spot, and not say a word until it got time to play some Madden. But there were others as I remembered tonight. My homeboy Lorenzo and his wifey Angela would come over and get lit on any given night. Boo Trotter could have had a key to my place and I wouldn't have minded. Senita would spend the night after a long night of spades playing and liquor. Tasha and Charita, Marcia and Andria, even the 2 white boy junkies. I would hang out with anyone at anytime. Even though there wasn't much to do in the S-A-V, I always found something to get into. My circle of friends was immense, whether they were close or not.



So how did I turn into the hermit I am today? I thought about it as I circled I-285 tonight. I think a lot of my anti social behavior stemmed from trying to get away from the drama. Cuz even though I was cool with all kinds of people, they always had a problem with each other. Boo and Senita could never get along. When Kareem and Tasha started dating and had a kid, it wasn't all fun and games anymore. My girl didn't trust me around Andria and overcompensated by trying to befriend her. (I'll never forget the time I came home and my girl was doing Andria's hair in my crib. Talk about awkward.) The two white boy junkies were always trying to break some shit after they smoked out. Et cetera and all that. See there was always some mess going on. I got to the point where I just couldn't take all that anymore.



Somehow I got stuck there. Stuck in the place where I would rather be alone than deal with other people's personality issues. I moved to the A, and left all them behind, with the exception of Kareem. Yeah, I tried to keep in touch for awhile, but people kept getting their phones cut off or moving and I just didn't put in the effort. Even here, I had a nice little circle of friends at first, but I became increasingly annoyed with them. We all worked together, and played together and eventually it was just too much of seeing the same people all the time. I retreated once again, and when my and my ex broke up, she got custody of those friends. I was more than okay with that, because if I had to listen to the same stories one more time I might have taken a long walk off of a short pier.



This is when my anti socialness really took hold. For months, I didn't do a damn thing. No going out to eat, no hanging out with people. I stayed in the house and really came to enjoy being by myself. I've always liked myself, but this period of reflection made me like me even more. I wasn't really interested in looking past other peoples BS anymore. It was easier to just do me, than have to compromise with others. If I wanted to go out, I went by myself or with my brother who at that time was crashing on my couch. I didn't really need friends, or more accurately I didn't want them invading my solitude.



That being said, I don't think I can really be described as anti social. If you were to see me at work, you would really think I was an outgoing, vibrant personality. I crack jokes and flirt and hold conversations like normal people do. When I tell people that I don't like going out, they tend not to believe me. Maybe it is time for me to break out of my self imposed solitude and connect with the rest of the world. It sounds good in theory, but before it can happen in earnest, I'd have to find a way to not get annoyed with people so easily.

So, what's the point? Why did I spend so much time thinking about this? I honestly don't know if there is a point. That's just the way my brain works sometimes. Crazy talk, I guess.

Rashan X's Attempt At Civil Disobedience pt 2

Part One is rightchea. Don't worry, its only 2 parts. LOL



The next morning, he sat in his homeroom class again. His white classmates asked him about his stance and whether he intended to not say the pledge again. He responded that he would not.



"You're crazy. Whether you believe it or not, you don't want to mess with Mr. Somerset. He will suspend you like that."

"He has to do what he has to do. I have to do what I have to do."



His false bravado masked the fear he was feeling. He had never been suspended before. Hell, he never even had detention. He managed the first two and a half years of high school by remaining unnoticed. He flew under the radar, but now the spotlight was shining directly in his eyes. He put his game face on as morning announcements began. His homeroom teacher locked his sights on him and from behind him he heard the classroom door open. No, it wasn't a tardy student... It was Mr. Somerset. He stood at the back of the classroom, arms folded, a surly look upon his visage. He had come to witness in person, whether or not his order was to be obeyed. As the time for the pledge grew nigh, the young man made his final decision. Would he take a stand by sitting? Or would he crumble under the threatening presence of the assistant principal.



"Please stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance."



The young man remained in his seat as his classmates loudly recited the pledge. There were no jokes this morning. Although Mr. Somerset was there only for one student, they took no chances as the enunciated every syllable.



"Mr Weldon, get your books and come with me."



He spoke in a stern, unwavering voice. The kind of presence that can be respected as an adult, yet misunderstood as disrespectful as an adolescent. He packed up his bookbag and followed Mr. Somerset to his office. Students peered out the window of their classrooms, taking in the sight of the nerd being taken to the office. Mr. Somerset led the young man to his office and closed the door behind him.



"Take a seat, Mr. Weldon."



He sat down on the edge of the chair. He was much too tense to sit back and get comfortable, in fact he was ready to go on the offensive, and say all the things he was not allowed to say the previous day.



"What is this nonsense? Do you think you can do whatever you want?"

"I don't think so. I just want an opportunity to be heard."

"I don't want to hear what you have to say. I only want to hear you say, 'yes sir. I will do as I was told'"

I'm sorry, but I can't do that. This is more than just a test of wills. I feel strongly about this and you wont even let me explain why."

"I'm not really interested in the whys. Do you think I haven't ever felt conflicted? But that's not how you get ahead."



You old Booker T Washington ass house nigga. That's what the young man was thinking. Of course, he didn't say it.



"I think I'm well in my rights to refuse the pledge of allegiance. This country has never respected the black contributions to it."

"Mr Weldon.."

"I mean, we were counted as 3/5ths of a person. You got Jim Crow laws, Tuskegee experiments... Where are our 40 acres and a mule? Where is our public apology for slavery?"

"Mr. Weldon.. this is neither the time or the place for this debate. This is a school. In a school, students do what teachers tell them to do or they face the consequences."
"This is a school. A place of learning. What do we learn about in this school? We only learn about black people in black history month and then its just about slavery. That's not all we are."

"I know that and I respect you for doing the research, however, I will not tolerate your insubordination. Mr. ____ told you, I told you and you disrespected our wishes."

"Disrespect? You wanna talk disrespect? I sit there quietly during the pledge. Those white students disrespect the pledge daily, but you don't hear about that. I'm not the one changing the name of the country and saying Todd instead of God. I've been nothing but respectful.

"This is not about them. If they are making a mockery of the pledge, I will handle them. Now lets talk about your punishment."

"Punishment?"

"I'll give you one more chance. If you can tell me right here and now that you will stand for the pledge, I'll let you off with a detention. If not..."

"Not! It's not gonna happen. I feel strongly about this and I will not cower."

"Okay, then I'm going to have to call your parents. You are going to be suspended."



Suspension. He knew it was a possibility, but didn't think it would actually go that far. Is it true that colleges look at that kind of stuff when considering applications? Would his political stand cause him to be denied a higher education. What would his mother say? Those questions circled in his head as Mr. Somerset dialed his mother's number at work.



"Ma'am, we need you to come pick up Rashan. He's been suspended from school."



His mother came into the office about an hour later. The entire time, the young man was sitting in the waiting area steaming at the course of events. Steaming, and fighting back the feeling of dread he was experiencing. He didn't know what would come next, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't be good. His mother and Mr. Somerset talked in his office. The door was closed, but he could partially hear what was being said.



"I think you are overreacting... He's a good kid... Rashan is not being disrespectful... Well, lets talk to Mrs. Wong about it."



Oh, shit! His mother had his back. He wasn't quite sure that she would. He was always the good one, the responsible one, the consummate middle child that did the right thing. But his mother really came through for him. After a couple more meetings it was decided, Rashan's act of civil disobedience would go unpunished. Really, all he did was exercise his right of freedom of expression. Surely, the school wouldn't want to prevent a bright young man from receiving his education. Surely, it would be bad publicity for a school to stifle intelligent discourse. Surely, the school doesn't want to have the matter brought up before the school board. And they didn't. A compromise was reached. As long as he remained quietly respectful of the pledge, no further action would be taken.



That's all he wanted anyway. Well, that and to spark some racial dialogue, which he did. The young man and his classmates engaged in that dialogue, even if the powers that be refused to join in. In the end, nothing really changed, except for that young man. He realized the power of his actions and refused to ever bow down in the face of pressure. He learned that his power lies in his intelligence, and that he should never try to hide it. He became the man that I am today: unafraid to express his opinion, even when it's not popular.



There is my obligitory MLK Day post. You know I had to be different. Hope everyone is having a good one, and that you didn't have to work like I do. Sing! Sing! Celebrate!

The Obligatory MLK Day Post: Rashan X's Attempt At Civil Disobedience

It's MLK Day, so all over blogworld, little black bloggers and little white bloggers will join together to offer their analysis of race relations, tell you that the dream has not been fully realized and encourage you to keep hope alive. Well, I'm not gonna do that. All of the race talk serves a great purpose, but you can get that all over today. Me, I'm gonna tell you a story. It's a story about a young man struggling to find his racial identity in the suburbs of Savannah, Georgia. That young man... well of course its me.

The year was 1991. He was a junior at Windsor Forest High School. A quiet young man sat in his home room class listening to the morning announcements. As always, he was working on some rhymes when the PA system beckoned him to stand.

"Please rise and recite the Pledge of Allegiance."

This young man was obedient. He stood respectfully and pretended to go along with the program. But truth be told, he was not feeling this at all. His mind contemplated why he as an African American should be allegiant to America, when America was very seldom allegiant to his kind. He thought that it was actually hypocritical of him to recite the pledge when in his heart, he didn't feel wanted by America. His pro black leanings, as well as the research he had been doing did not coincide with the words he was being forced to recite. So, he did as he always did: he stood quietly out of respect to other's patriotism, but in fact did not move his lips.

On this day, he noticed something. Some of his white classmates did in fact say the pledge, but others would make a mockery of it. He heard this:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Denmark. And to the monarchy for which it stands, one nation, invisible, under Todd, with liberty and justice for some...

And then they laughed. Their chuckles irritated him. Here were some white teenagers who had the world in the palm of their hands, and they mocked the pledge. He surmised that he could never get away with something of that manner. He decided the next day that he would test that theory.

The next morning, he again listened to the morning announcements, rhyme notebook open. When it came time for the pledge, he made a fateful decision. He stayed in his seat. The other classmates all stood, and continued with their mockery of the pledge, but he remained seated hands folded, in respectful silence. It did not go unnoticed. His homeroom teacher inquired why he did not stand for the pledge.

"I respectfully decline to recite the pledge of allegiance. I do not feel that I have the same rights as other citizens, and therefore do not wish to pledge my allegiance to this country. I will, however, respect the other students rights to do so."

Yeah, he rehearsed that one all night long. He didn't know if he would have the nerve to say it when the time came, but he managed to maintain his resolve. He was told in no uncertain terms that tomorrow, he had better stand for the pledge. When tomorrow arrived, he kept his respectful, silenced seat. This time, his homeroom teacher was apoplectic.

"I thought I told you yesterday that you were required to stand for the pledge."
"You did. As I stated yesterday, I respectfully decline"
"I won't stand for this."
"Nor will I. I believe one of the cornerstones of this country's constitution is the right to freedom of expression. I am exercising that right by refusing to submit to the idol worship of the American flag."

Yeah, he practiced that one as well. LOL

"Okay, Mr. Weldon. You can go see the assistant principal."
"For what? I didn't do anything wrong."
"I wont tolerate this insubordination. You were given a directive which you failed to respond to."

He was scared, but strengthened by his homeroom teacher's strong response. He intended to spark debate, and now it had come to fruition. More than that, he wanted to prove a point and to out debate his teachers and show how intelligent he really was. It only made sense that an African American would have concerns about the conditions of his people. These concerns were bigger than a two line mention in his AP History text book. African Americans were bigger than just slavery and Martin Luther King, but you would never know that judging from the school's curriculum. He intended to raise this point with the assistant principal. His one man show of civil disobedience had begun.

He wandered the hallways of the high school, gathering his nerve for the upcoming confrontation. He knew that's what it would be: a confrontation. He was set to meet Mr. Somerset, an African American administrator with what seemed to be a Napoleon Complex. He stood 5'4" at best, but walked and talked with an authority that was seldom, if ever successfully challenged. He would have preferred to meet with Mrs. Wong, the kindly Asian principal, who already liked him because of his sister's years as an honors student. He was no slouch himself, taking many Advanced Placement courses, albeit not as successfully because of his aversion to homework. When he felt he could no longer put off the inevitable, he headed to Mr. Somerset's office.

"Son, why are you here."
"Mr. ____ (I can't remember his name for anything) sent me down here because I didn't say the pledge of allegiance."
"Why not?!?
"I don't believe in it."

His eloquence had left him.

"C'mon, Mr. Weldon. You are an honors student. I've never had any problems out of you. Why do you want to start trouble?"
"There's no trouble. I just don't feel its right for me as a black man to recite the pledge."
"Aren't you American?"
"By birth, yes. I am an American citizen, but I like other blacks receive second class citizenship. How can I be..."
"I don't wanna hear any of that. Tomorrow, you say the pledge like you were told"
"But, what about..."
"That'll be all"
"Don't you want to..."
"You're dismissed Mr. Weldon. Get a pass from the secretary"

He walked out of the office incensed. Never in his life can he remember being talked to in such a manner. Wasn't school supposed to be a place for intelligent discourse? Shouldn't intelligent conversation be encouraged? Instead, he was dismissed like one of the trouble makers with a penchant for starting fights and cutting class. He was, in his mind, just treated like a second class citizen. He was sure that the white students would not have been summarily excused from the assistant principals office without so much as an opportunity to plead his case. His resolve was further galvanized by this experience. He was determined to make a stand, damn the consequences...

Part 2 later today. LOL - I just want you to keep coming back to my blog all day. I'm kidding, but it's just getting too long.

Dikembe Mutombo

I apologize for the tardiness of this post. I've been feeling extra lazy today. It probably had to do with the snow coming down again. Twice in two weeks? That has got to be some kind of record. But you didn't come to read about that, you want to know what happened last night with "Not a date" girl.

Well, I hate to say it, but I was right. It did turn out to be a set up of sorts. It started out when I was on my way to the spot. I was almost there when she called me to say that she had to go home and cause she forgot her credit card and could I just meet her there instead.

*Block attempt* *Waving finger saying "get that weak shit outta here*

Yeah, I had to Dikembe Mutumbo that one. "It's your birthday, I got you. You don't need your card." I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I couldn't buy her 3 or 4 drinks on her birthday. That was not a problem.

So, I got there and we just so happened to pull up at the same time. I noticed she was solo. I guess her imaginary friends were gonna come later. I was almost proud of my own powers of deduction then I realized "damn, this is really just gonna be me and her." I mean I suspected going into it, but when I didn't see anybody else, I just knew. She told me that they were on their way, and that we could just get a quick drink before they showed up. Okay, not a problem. I am a fan of the alcohol. About 30 minutes later she "allegedly" got a call saying that they couldn't make it.

I say allegedly, because if your closest friends stood you up on your birthday, wouldn't you be upset? She acted like it didn't bother her at all, even with me instigating the issue. You won't believe the unimaginative excuse either: it was too cold. C'mon, it was like 45 degrees last night, no rain, no snow, no nothing. If this was true, then she really needs some new friends.

Anyway, on her 2nd (my 4th) drink, she had to go the restroom. She made a comment like "I better finish my drink before I go. I don't want you putting a roofie in it and taking advantage of me." In my loosened state, I actually said what I was thinking and replied "You aren't the one that needs to worry about that. If anyone needs to worry about that, its me." Oops, I did it again. I let the arrogant Rashan out. You would think that would cause problems, but it only made it worse. I guess they are telling the truth, when they say women like confidence.

As the night went on, she was sitting closer and closer to me. By the end, she was damn near on my lap. Rubbing my head and trying to rub my...

*Get that weak shit outta here*

That's all I'm gonna say about that. She said it was an accident, but I don't think so. It was accident all four times? I wound up drinking more than I planned and I actually did have fun. But yep, it was a set up. At the end, as I was going home, she asked me to follow her home to make sure she was safe. Raise you hands if you can see through that one. I did even after 2 gin and tonics, 2 shots of patron, a grand marnier and and amaretto on the rocks. Yeah, I know that I probably should have drank less, but I was still on my toes. I'm good. I told her that if she was that drunk, then we should call her a cab. She just sat there looking disappointed. If it sounds like I'm leaving stuff out, its just because I need to hit the streets before the ice takes hold. I'll holla back later.

The Set Up

I'm just gonna put this out there: I think I'm getting set up...

Today is the "not a date" girls birthday. And I'm supposed to get up with her and some people tonight. My instincts are telling me that there won't be anyone there but me and her. I'm about *thisclose* to just cancelling, but I want to see if I'm right. It all seems like a plot to get me drunk and make me forget about my no messing with people from work rule.

You probably are thinking, "who is this arrogant jerk?" and I understand that. But trust, I have good reasons to suspect this. Anyone that knows me knows that my ego is tempered by insecurity, and I am very realistic about things. I don't just assume someone wants me all willy nilly. Here are some of the reasons I think it's a setup:

Number 1: She keeps touching me. Not in an overt, sexual harassment way, but in a subtle "what kind of pants are these - linen?" way.

Number 2: She keeps making little sexual insinuations - then says "just kidding." I'm not quite sure she's kidding.

Number 3: Nobody else from work is coming. While that could just mean that she doesn't talk with any of the other co workers, it might also mean something else. Also, its supposed to be a secret.

Number 4: It has yet to be decided where we are going. I'm thinking that if this was something that was planned out, then the venue would at least been established. I swear if I get the call that says "just come to the house" I'm hanging up.

Number 5: She offered to come get me from my crib. Understand, we live on 2 totally different sides of town. Oh yeah, and I have a car. Why are you trying to get over to where I stay, then drive back across town? Then she would have to drop me back off and drive across town again. I'm not too sure about that. Either she was planning to stay with me, or have me stay with her, but either way its not happening.

Go ahead, tell me I'm being paranoid. Tell me my history of stalkers is making me skittish. Tell me that my overinflated ego is making me see things that aren't there. But then check back on Saturday, and I will let you know if Rashan was right once again.

Ou est la neige?

Or something like that. For some reason I was trying to remember my 3 years of high school french. Truth be told, I only took French for two very superficial reasons: Leslie (not the one from yesterday's post) and because the girl talking French in BoyzIIMen's Uhh-Ahh (the sequel). Wait a minute, that's not true... I was I got my years mixed up. Never mind, scratch that...

I think the title means "Where is the snow?" Although its been so long since I actually spake the language of love, that I could be totally wrong. Is spake a real word? It sounds biblical or something, its probably archaic, but I like the way it sounds so it stays. I should probably get to the point of the post before you think I am high. I'm not, but I can see how you would think that I am with the direction this post is going. This would be a good time to actually do some editing, but I kind of like the idea of people thinking I'm crazy. Normal is boring, or at least that's what I tell myself in moments like these. On a sidenote, I shoulda signed up for Blog 365. I have 17 posts in 17 days this year, so what if I did 3 in one day? I can get 365 posts this year. N-T-way, I'm doing that old say-whatevers-on-my-mind-regardless-of-whether-it-makes-a-lick-of-sense-thing, so I should get back to the topic. What was I writing about again?

La neige... Oh yeah, it snowed yesterday in Atlanta. Like real snow. That's not a euphemism for cocaine. The skies opened up and white stuff fell for a good 3 hours. It got so bad (or good depending on your perspective) that when I looked out the window at work, the snow actually was sticking. I know, it probably wasn't even 2 inches of snow, but for Atlanta that was something serious. I actually got my hopes up that I would have a snow day tomorrow. I had visions of not going to work tomorrow while the city shut down around me. Old ladies rushing to supermarket to get toilet paper (Thanks Tenacious) and vienna sausages, middle aged men running to Home Depot to get extra firewood, alcoholics stocking up on their Colt .45 or E&J just in case the package store don't open. And me, sitting home reading blogs all day, in my draws snacking on generic brand Froot Loops and drinking peppermint tea. What a glorious day it was in my overindulgent imagination. I didn't even think about how treacherous the ride home would be. I gave no thought to the 18 wheelers recklessly speeding on the icy roads, while I'm sitting upright and holding my hands at 10 and 2 o clock like my grandma, trying not to lose control of the only car that has actually been reliable for me in the last year. All that didn't matter. Thursday was gonna be a free day for me!

Then 8 o clock came... The snow that so luxiouriously coated the trees behind our building turned into rain. Not even freezing rain, just regular old vanilla rain. Rain which melted the snow that covered the roads. Rain that made the highways slippery, but not slippery enough to give me a day off. Rain that's intended purposes seemed to be pissing me off, making me cold and landing directly in my eye. Damn you, rain! Bring back the snow! All night I had the news playing in the background. They did special reports about our "Winter Weather 08." They announced all the schools that were closing, some of the business that were closing, even though there is no more "Winter Weather 08" to speak of. Its just a regular old rainy cold day now. No ice, no snow, and no chillin in my draws reading blogs and watching movies on OnDemand that I would never watch on one of my regular days off.

Ou est la neige? Je voudrais ne travailler pas. Paix!

Bros Before Hoes pt 3

Part 1 and Part 2 are below, or click the links. I know it's really long, but its finished now.



"I want to talk to you guys about Tony!"



In retrospect, I'm surprised it took this long. They had been together for what seemed like an eternity. And virtually the whole time, Tony hadn't grown up a bit. He was still that same silly, immature, cheating guy that he was back in the day. Regardless of that, he was my friend and my loyalty always lied with him no matter what. On this night, however, I had enough.



"Where did he go tonight? I know he told you guys."



I looked at Kareem, hoping he would take the lead. He looked at me hoping the same of me. Neither one of us said anything.



"I've been around you guys long enough to know that you guys don't keep secrets from each other. All I'm asking is the same respect."



She had a good point. What he was doing was disrespectful, and by keeping quiet, I was being disrespectful as well.



"I really think this is something that you and Tony should talk about."

"So, you do know?

"Yeah, I mean. I know what he told me."

"Was he with another girl?"

"Damn, Leslie..."

"He was!"

"I didn't say all that."

"Do you think what he is doing is right?"

"Nah, I mean. It was fucked up that he left you today, but..."

"You are just gonna let him treat me this way. You guys are supposed to be friends. Friend check their friends when they are doing wrong."

"I did..."

"So you think what he is doing is wrong?"



Damn, pre law girl with her logical arguments. I felt like Caine in MenaceIISociety getting tricked by the police. I internally debated the pros and cons of coming clean with Leslie right there and then. On the one hand, she was cool people and needed to know the truth, on the other hand, Tony was my boy. Bros before hoes! That's the code of the streets. In that moment I came to a decision.



"Look, Leslie. It's not my place to snitch on my homeboy. But what I will say is this: where there's smoke, there's fire."

"OH GOD!!! How many girls?"

"Again, its not my place. I already said too much. And its only because I like you and I think you deserve someone who is gonna treat you right. Hopefully, it can be Tony, but if not, then you gotta do what you gotta do."

"Are you telling me to break up with him?"

"Nah, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, you need to be treated the way you want to be treated and not settle for less."

"I'm gonna do it. I'm breaking up with him as soon as he gets back."

"No, don't do that. Talk to him. Make it clear what you want and what you will not accept."

"You're right."



That night, I broke the G code, somewhat. I struggled with my decision to speak up. I felt like I betrayed Tony. But on the other hand it was a relief not to be carrying that weight anymore. My days of being an alibi were done. I wish I could say that things got better for Leslie and Tony. But they didn't. I mean, they really, really didn't. She didn't break up with him and for a month or two, he did right by her. But then she went back to Georgia Southern and the old Tony came out to play. It culminated on an October night when I got a phone call telling me that Tony was in jail.



"He is in jail for what?"

"No lie, kid. Statutory!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I wouldn't lie about that... He needs bail money or he'll have to stay the weekend."

"Fuck that. I ain't bailing that stupid nigga out, besides I ain't got it. Da fuck is he messing with underage girls for anyway?"

"Should we call Leslie?"

"Hell no! You can't tell her about this."

"Well, then he's gonna get sent to county"

"I mean, its your call. Ain't no way in hell I'm making that phone call."



Somebody called Leslie. And she actually bailed him out. I wonder if it was out of love or shock, but she did it. But that was the straw that broke the camel's back. There was no more Leslie and Tony after that, a fact that she made very clear to me shortly after she found out. Somehow, she had found her way to my apartment. Kareem and my roommate Charis were there too. It was hard to look Leslie in her face...



"I'm bailing your friend out of jail, but I want you to tell him not to ever call me again."

"I understand."

"I'm sorry to be putting you in this position, but I can't face him. I'm not gonna cry anymore over his triflin ass."

"I got you. But did you ever stop to think he might be innocent?"



I was really playing devils advocate, more than advocating for my friend. Shit, I knew in my heart that he was guilty, so Leslie probably knew the same.



"It doesn't really matter. For him to even put himself in a position that he could be accused of something like this just shows he didn't really think shit about me."

"You're right."

"I hope that you can help him get his life together. I'm done. I'm fucking done..."



And she was. I never saw her again after that. I'm sure Tony did his fair share of begging, but to no avail. I can't say that I was sad about that. Leslie was a good person, she didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. I regret the role I played and that I let the bros before hoes mentality compromise my own morality. I hope Leslie is doing okay today. That was the kind of relationship that makes women swear off men, or go crazy. As for Tony, he copped a plea. He didn't have to serve time, but he got probation and had to register as a sex offender. I found out the girl was 15 at the time while he was 21. I (intentionally) lost touch with him (there were other issues that don't fit into this post) when I moved to Atlanta, so I have no idea what he's up to now. Last I heard he was singing in a gospel group and going to seminary school. I wish I beleived that was sincere, but I really don't. I hope it is though.



So, what do you think? Was I wrong for telling Leslie what the deal was? Should I have kept my mouth closed? Should I have said something sooner? Inquiring minds want to know! 10 years later and I'm still kinda conflicted about this one. I know it was the right thing to do, but was it also was the wrong thing to do? I'm not sure. Anyway, thanks for reading...

Bros Before Hoes Pt 2

Scroll down for part one, or click the link

If this was a movie, this would be the part where Tony tried to get his act together while I provided support. But in real life, ain't nothing changed. He kept doing his thing, and I remained complicit in the situation. We had to switch it up, as Leslie had grown fond of calling my girl to pour out her heart. Couldn't use me as an excuse if I was over there at the time. But that's what Kareem was for, or the fake studio time, or late night study sessions. It was all just cover. No, this was no period of redemption, rather just the status quo. I started to hear more often about Leslie's suspicions from Lisa. I also steadfastly refused to get involved. C'mon, who's more stubborn than me? I'll answer that: nobody!

It all came to a head on a summer's night in June. The year was 1997. We were all going over to Kareem's mother's house to watch the second Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield fight. (Niggaz had bootleg cable so we couldn't get PPV at the crib.) All the usual suspects were there: Kareem and Chandra, me and Lisa, and Tony and Leslie. Before the fight began, we grubbed down heavily, while talking and laughing. Tony called me and Kareem to the side.

"Hey, I'm need to dip out for a few minutes."
"What's up?"
"I need to go check out this honey real quick. We gonna smoke one and then I'll be back"
"Damn, nigga! Your girl is right here, you sure you wanna do that?"
"Yeah, I had told her I was gonna fall through, but Leslie came and got me too early."
"What are you gonna tell Leslie?"
"Nothing, I'll be back before she notices I'm gone."

Famous last words. Tony rode out to go meet up with random girl, in Leslie's car no less. Kareem and I were blowed, but tried not to let it show. We went back into the den and watched the pre fight hype and preliminary bouts. Leslie looked puzzled, but never asked where Tony was. He more than likely gave some bullshit excuse. Two hours later, the fight was about to start and Tony was still incognegro. So much for a quick smoke. Kareem and I had another conversation.

"Kareem, what's up with your boy? He's taking this shit too far."
"I don't know. I tried to tell him to cool out.:
"Man, I don't know how much longer I can be his alibi. At first, shit was easy, but I'm starting to get to know and like Leslie. She don't deserve this shit."
"I know what you mean. This is the last time for me."
"I'm just saying. He's putting us in a fucked up situation."
"You ain't lying. My girl is looking at me like I do the same shit."
"Yeah, so what you wanna do. I think we should tell him if he ever gets his punk ass back here."
"I'm with you."

Round one passes. Holyfield is head butting Mike something terrible, but neither fighter is doing any damage. Round two.. more head butting and dirty fighting from Holyfield. Round three... Tyson fucking snaps. WTF? Son did you see that? Tyson just bit Holyfields ear. Oh shit, he did it again! Is that a piece of ear on the mat? The door opens and Tony comes in, obviously high and acts like he was there the whole time. The fight is over. Tyson got disqualified and I just lost $50 in a bet. In between yells at the big screen TV, and utterances of disbelief, I see Leslie and Tony leave the room, presumably to do what they did best: argue.

30 minutes later, Leslie comes back in the room, the obvious remnants of tears hanging from her eyes. Tony is nowhere to be found. Leslie and the girls huddle in the corner talking in hushed tones. We can't hear what they are saying, but it without a doubt can't be good. Kareem and I went outside to find Tony. He is sitting out in Leslie's car, cursing to nobody in particular.

"Damn, man she blowing my high!"
"Aw, nigga. Boo Hoo! What'd you expect would happen? You rode out for 2 hours and left her. She supposed to jump for joy?"
"Rashan, you don't understand. Leslie ain't cool like Lisa is. She always nagging me about something."
"You were gone 2 fucking hours! You don't get that shit?"
"I didn't mean to be."
"But you were. You can't be straight disrespecting her like that. Every woman has her breaking point."
"Yeah, man. Whatever!"
"You think its all a game, man. Girls like Leslie don't come around all the time. You just need to chill sometimes. You don't wanna mess that up because of some random chick."
"Nigga, don't worry about mines! I'll handle that shit."
"Oh, its like that? You really gonna try to play us? We've had your back since day one."
"Man, fuck you niggaz."
"I'm a pretend like that's the weed talking. But get in my face again, and its gonna be some shit."
"Fuck you, do what you gotta do!"
"Aiight, then."

Kareem interjected...

"Hey, Tony. We are your boys and we gonna give it to you straight. Maybe you need to just calm down for awhile before you say something you gonna regret."
"Man, fuck you too! Neither one of you niggaz know what I'm going through. Far as I'm concerned, you both are player hating." (that's what it was called back then. LOL)
"Just ride out and come back when your high has worn off."

Tony drove off and Kareem and I stood outside contemplating what just happened. Tony always was an emotional (read: bitchy) cat. It wasn't that serious. Or was it... Maybe, what he needed was a wake up call so he could finally grow up. It didn't take long before the ladies joined us outside. The serene Southside air held a feeling of foreboding. Something was about to happen that would change everything. Leslie spoke, flanked by Lisa and Chandra.

"I want to talk to you guys about Tony."

Shit... this was the moment I feared.

Part 3, which is the conclusion will be posted by 4:30 pm. It is already written and in my drafts. It just was too long to add to this same post.

Bros Before Hoes (But What If She Ain't A Hoe?)

From the archives of my mind... A situation that for some reason popped in my head tonight. I'm still somewhat conflicted over this one. I'm gonna change the names in this story, just because who knows who is reading this thing and its not just my business. I have no problem telling my dirt, but this one involves some other people that I used to call friends.



It was always an unwritten rule: Bros before hoes. We never had to talk about it. If my brother's needed an alibi, they used me. If they needed a ride from some random chicks house, they called me. If they needed bail, shit, call someone else. LOL. I never thought about how I was affecting the people that care about them. It didn't really matter to me. If my brothers were doing dirt, that was on them. It wasn't my place to set them straight. My loyalty was with them, not with their girlfriends. I wasn't doing any dirt. I never needed any alibis and that was good enough for me. I was a faithful man.



I can't count the times that, we'll call him Tony, called me and told me that if his girl asked, we were at the club or in the student center. I had his back. I mean, she wouldn't ask me anyway, for some strange reason she trusted Tony. Tony and I went to Savannah State, while his girl, let's call her Leslie, matriculated 45 minutes up the road at Georgia Southern University. Let me digress for a minute...



Tony was my homeboy since high school. He and my man Kareem were friends, and we became friends by association. When Kareem left to go to school at Norfolk State, Tony and I hung out more. I was a year ahead of him school wise, and light years ahead of him, maturity wise. He was a real cool dude, but just young acting. He was a singer, while I rapped at the time. I can't remember when he started dating Leslie. I do remember that Leslie was a bad chick. She was hella intelligent, and had that cute in high school/sexy in college vibe going on. I met her a couple of times, when she came back to Savannah on winter break and stuff. I remember thinking, why does she want to be with Tony? That wasn't hate, but to me, she was just on a whole nother level than my friend was at the time.



As time went on, Tony would tell me about other girls he was messing with. I don't think I ever verbalized what is obvious to me now: what about Leslie? It was bros before hoes. Whatever my homeboy had to do, I had his back. One time he got caught up in Lockett Hall after lockdown (men weren't allowed in the female dorms after 9, or in the rooms ever.) when he was supposed to be meeting Leslie. Well, he couldn't call her from another female's room, so he called me to be his alibi. Yep, I came through for him. I called and told her that we were in the studio and Tony was laying down tracks and would be late. A sorry lie, but it seemed to work. It bought enough time for him to sneak out of the dorm without getting caught by campus police and then go meet Leslie. In retrospect, I should have felt bad, but I didn't really know her. My loyalty lied with my homeboy.



I started to see more and more of Leslie. My girl, Lisa and I double dated with Tony and Leslie, or tripled with Kareem and Chandra. We all became a little clique. Lisa, who always thought that Tony was a clown, became closer with Leslie. For the first time, I started to get to know her, and actually see her as a real person. And it was pretty fucked up. She obviously wasn't happy with how Tony was treating her. One night we went out to eat at Bennigans, (home of the buffalo skrimp. LOL) and Tony was just acting an ass, as usual. It wasn't malicious, it just was him being immature. Leslie busts out crying and runs to the bathroom. Lisa of course follows her and they are gone for like an hour. I took the opportunity to politic with Tony. The convo went a little like this.



"Nigga, what are you doing?"

"What you mean?"

"With Leslie, man. You know what I'm talking about."

"She's just so emotional, dog! I didn't even do anything."

"You know you my nigga, right? But on the real, you kinda treat her like shit."

"No, I don't"

"Maybe you don't mean anything by it, but you tend to belittle her. Straight disregard what she has to say"

"Word? I don't do that, do I?"

"Like I said, you my nigga for life and I got yo back, but you need to handle that."

"Yeah, you right."

"I'm just saying, regardless of what you do when she in Statesboro, when she's here..."

"Yeah, aiight. Thanks, man. You keeps it real, kid"



Later that night, as I'm driving Lisa home, I had the most uncomfortable conversation to date in that relationship.



"Leslie thinks Tony is cheating on her."

"Huh?"

"Is Tony cheating on Leslie?"

"..."

"Well?"

"I don't really think we should be getting involved in their business."

"So, he is!!!"

"I ain't say all that, but it really isn't our place."

"So you would take up for him while he's breaking that poor girls heart?"

"Come on, that's not fair. Tony is my brother since like 10th grade. I don't even know Leslie like that."

"But you know how its affecting her"

"Okay, while you guys were in the bathroom, we had a little talk. I told him he needs to do better."

"You still didn't answer if he's cheating on her."

"You know I don't lie to you, right?"

"I thought you didn't, but now I'm not sure"

"Well I'm not gonna lie to you now."

"Okay, continue"

"Tony got some issues that he needs to work out. I'm not saying what they are, but hopefully tonight served as a wake up call."

"Uggghhh"



That night, we didn't go back to Lisa's room like we usually did after a date. Instead, I was dismissed and sent home. Man, how someone else's cheating get me in trouble? Maybe I needed to rethink this whole bros before hoes thing.



I'll pick this up tomorrow... Don't get mad, you know it was getting too long. LOL You know all this was the build up, the drama will come in the next post.