Message Recieved
I have a cheap Sprint phone with some wack ass alert tones. They all sound horrible, except for one. It's a female voice that says "Message Recieved." I set that one for my text messages, in lieu of some tone that would get on my nerves. The thing about it is that it always freaks people out for some reason when they hear it for the first time. It's like they think its some ghost or something. I cant tell you how many times I've seen people looking around trying to figure out what it is, before I tell them that it's my phone. Not sure why I chose to tell you that...Anyway, here are some of the messages I've received over the last week. Some are texts, some are IMs. Some are rewritten b/c I can't remember the exact words that were used, but the spirit of the messages are in tact.
Text Message from Not a Date girl that got Mutumbo'd:
Her: Hey, Rashan! Maybe I should cut my vacation short. What do you think?
Me: What do I think? I think it's way too early for you to be sending me texts. Try again in 4 hours.
Her: Well, apparently not cuz u answered!!
Me: I'm going back to sleep now. Don't reply. Thanks in advance!
Instant Message at Work:
Her: Why does that lady behind you have on all that purple
Me: I know! Did you peep the purple leather boots?
Her: Yeah, and the purple jacket, purple skirt, purple eye shadow.
Me: LOL -
Her: She looks like Grape Ape.
Me: Wow - a Grape Ape reference. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Her: Grape Ape! Grape Ape!
Me: LOL - She kinda got a Grimace vibe going on
Her: LOL
Mass Text Message from old co worker:
Her: Let's play a game. For one hour you can ask me anything and I have to answer honestly. Fwd this to all your friends
Me: My question? What makes you think I want to know anything about you? I think I know too much already. Wait, my real question: Given all you know about me, why would you include me in this mass text message? Yeah, answer that one.
Instant Message at Work
Her: I think Grape Ape likes you.
Me: Shaddup!
Her: No, really! She's always leaning over talking to you.
Me: Stop that... expeditiously!
Her: I think its cute. You can have some lil purple babies.
Me: You know there will be consequences for this.
Her: You can name your babyMagilla Gorilla
Me: LOL - I can't stand you!
Text Message from random co worker: (I really need to stop letting people have my phone number)
Her: 123 Evergreen Terrace Atlanta Ga 30032 (not the real address)
Me: umm... okay. Why are you giving me your address?
Her: I don't know. Maybe you might need it one day?
Me: K - thanks.
Her: That's all you have to say?
Me: Yep, that's pretty much it.
Her: You make me sick.
Instant Message at work:
Her: Why does Grape Ape keep looking at me whenever I come talk to you?
Me: Shut up!
Her: Please tell your woman I'm not trying to steal her man.
Me: Really... What I tell you about payback? Don't make me give that dude your phone number.
Her: Okay, I'm sorry! Don't do that!
Me: Yep, that's what I thought.
Text Message:
Her: I had a dream about your lips last night.
Me: Word? What about them?
Her: I can't talk about it. I don't want you to get the big head
Me: Too late! It ain't gonna get no bigger.
Her: Well, nope. I'll just call you. You'll probably put this on your blog.
Me: I don't blog anymore, just tell me.
Her: LOL - liar.
Instant Message at work:
Her: Why did this dude just call me a tease?
Me: I don't know? Why?
Her: I just be talking to him on the IM to pass the day. I already have a boyfriend.
Me: You don't act like it.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, you don't act like it with me. I don't know what you said to him.
Her: (thinking smiley)
Me: Nah, I just mean that you told me that you guys broke up.
Her: Yeah, we back together now.
Me: Congrats.
Her: Even if I didn't, I wouldn't go out with him. He's a little too circular for me.
Me: Leave us circular brothers alone. We need love too. LOL
Her: No, you not circular like he is. He's all stuffed in his clothes.
Me: Okay, if you say so.
Her. And he's not attractive.
Me: Gotcha..
Text Message from phone number I don't know:
Her/Him: I'm coming to Atlanta next week. We need to get up!
Me: Who is this again?
Her/Him: Don't act like that. You know who this is.
Me: Nah, not really. Who are you trying to reach?
Instant Message at Work:
Her: And he's a stalker. I park my car and he's nowhere around but when we leave, his car is mysteriously next to mine.
Me: Oh, you gotta work stalker! Welcome to the club!
Her: Yep, that's exactly what he is. Who is your work stalker?
Me: You. LOL I'm kidding. I pointed her out the other day.
Her: She don't seem like a stalker. I don't ever see her over here.
Me: Yeah, but let me be in the parking lot and she is sure to pop up. Or let me go to the cafeteria, and without fail, there she is.
Her: I forgot that you think you are irresistable. LOL
Me: LOL - I don't think that. SHE thinks that. LOL
Her: You so conceited.
Text Message:
Her: You find a date for the Jill concert yet? I'm counting on you being a loser. I'll take the other ticket.
Me: Shut it up! If I don't, you can come with me.
Her: Kewl!
Me: Did you really just spell it kewl? I changed my mind, you can't come with me.
Instant Message at work:
Her: We should all get together after work one day.
Me: Who is "all"
Her: You know, the whole team. We should go get drinks or something.
Me: You don't get off work until 2 Am. Where you gonna get drinks then?
Her: I don't know. We can do it on our off day?
Me: Yeah, you have fun I'm not coming out here if I don't have to work.
Her: Stop being stinky! You can come out with us.
Me: Yeah, I'm not much for spending my day off talking about work. I'm sure you guys will have fun though.
Text Message:
Her: You still coming with us Friday?
Me: ???
Her: You forgot? We supposed to (do something or another)
Me: I'll let you know, but I might have other plans.
Her: Yeah, right. You gonna sit home like you always do.
Me: Sounds like a plan to me. LOL
Instant Message at Work:
Me: You see the purple on display again?
Her: I see it. Is that the same outfit?
Me: Not sure. But it definitely is purple.
Her: Wait, did she just touch your hair?
Me: *sigh* yes. She actually said I have "good hair"
Her: I told you she want you. Big Momma gonna get you.
Me: That does it. Not only is the stalker getting your number, I'm gonna tell the T Pain look alike that you like him. LOL
Her: I think T. Pain would rather get with you, if you know what I mean.
Me: Uggh, I can't win with you.
Her: Nope
Text Message:
Her: Hey! Long time no hear from. Hope all is well, Mr. Weldon.
Me: All is good. How are you?
Her: Not too bad. I need a favor.
Me: (No response because I know the next question is to borrow some money.)
Her: Can I borrow $100 to pay my gas bill?
Me: (No response because I don't want to let her borrow money that I wont see again for months if ever)
Her: Never mind. I got it.
Me: Okay, cool.
Instant Message at work:
Me: Did you see old girl who was fixing my computer?
Her: Yeah, why?
Me: She was beautiful.
Her: Uh, I'm not your homeboy, you know.
Me: I know, I just had to tell somebody. And since you always tell me about your men, I thought I would share.
Her: She ain't as fine as me.
Me: Sure, whatever gets you through the night.
Her: Whatever Rashan. You know you want me.
Me: No, I want her. LOL
And that was a glimpse into the hilarity that ensues on a daily basis. It probably looks like I don't do no work, but I promise this is done while I am multi tasking and they are not all from the same day. Today is my Friday! So glad to have just one more day of work. I'll holla at y'all later!
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